To the people who try so hard to forget, and then set yourself back just because you're curious about how what-you're-supposed-to-be-forgetting is doing?
Suck it up! Curiosity killed the cat, so be thankful that you're still alive!
Then you start thinking whether the something is still alive.
Well stop it! You know he/she/it probably is. It's not like you haven't tried to find out before this!
And you think to yourself: I shouldn't be reacting to this piece of old news, I've already seen this before!
Well, damn right, you have!
But that doesn't make it any less painful!
I'll show you what painful is if you don't let go.
You're right. I could care less if he/she/it disappeared off the face of the earth right now!
No. That would just make you inhuman.
You might never forget the people who have made an impact in your life. And it's alright. Just remember that the people who are still in it should hold more weight in your heart. Much, much more.
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Disgusted
I'm so disgusted with two maplers today. Granted I shouldn't even be mapling at my age, that doesn't give anyone the excuse to mock me, much less on maple itself! What happened was (and forever will be) so ridiculous, you might be point and laugh. Beware!
I was training at a crowded map (meaning most channels had people there). Mind you, I've been there for around an hour now and my blue pot count has increased by at least 200 by then, from the drops by the monsters. As I'm a Fire, Poison Arch Mage (cue: applause, feelings of disgust, indifference), I have skills such as Big Bang, Paralyze, Teleport Mastery, Explosion, and Poison Mist (among others). As many FP Arch Mages know, at some point in time, we undergo something called poison training (or Misting) that enables us to train at something close to light speed. It is also a dreary routine unless one was training at sharks which could kill your character that much easier. After training for around 40 levels by Misting, the FP Arch Mage is can finally sigh in relief because we now have 4th job skills which make training so much less dull. Now I can train on Dual Ghost Pirates with either Big Bang (fire element) or Paralyze (poison element). A day ago, I realised I could use 1 Big Bang and 1 Tele Mastery to effectively kill off un-poisoned mobs. That's when I started this less dull way of training. And I can finally see monsters die because of my firepower (for lack of a better word), and not because of damage over time from the poison.
Today, it turns out that channel 1 was free (yes, I do check from top to bottom whether anyone was there before I deem it my territory for that session). Hence, I was happily training in this map again (need I remind you, for about an hour now). One of my closer buddies was online and I was having the time of my life chatting with her while taking my time with the mobs, getting an okay amount of exp. And this way of training (Big Bang + Tele Mastery) allowed me to collect most of the drops (Misting is a little too hectic). I guess this made my map a little too clean (sort of like a tidy and un-personalised house, huh). Anyway, as I teleported up the map via the in-map teleporter, I saw a Wild Hunter enter the map. I believe he asked me if I wanted to train together. I said "I don't think this map can".
With that he just started attacking the monsters as if I weren't there. I tried to go on with my relaxed pace, but I'm sorry to say that he did not have the sense to change channel. I had to defend my map, and my pride. Hence I made my way down the map, poisoning every platform. And I found another Wild Hunter further down the map. Now, many of you probably know that it's not easy (to put it lightly) to trump over Poison Mist in a map with more monsters than you can kill with two hits. That particular map easily has nine times as many monsters as you can kill per hit. Mist can concurrently act on all of them at the same time. Back to topic. I knew I had the upper hand in a KS war, that is, if they don't decide to call for back up for a prolonged KS war (I'm not staying in that map for THAT long, my inventory WAS getting full, you know). The exp coming in further testified to the theory).
After a while (I would say it had been 2 to 3 minutes), they got fed up and started scolding me "dog" (what is with that?!), claiming they'd been there first. That there wasn't any Poison animation when they first came in. Smart asses. Was I supposed to see arrows lying around when they're in the map?
In the end I decided that I still wanted to survive in that world. I didn't get my character to level 12x to quit because of (possible) future harassment from their friends or suffer a mass defame. So I decided to be the bigger person and be the gentleman (when I'm obviously a girl), to change to another channel.
However, it is not beneath me to rant about the injustice I'd been through.
Oh I did find another channel that was free (channel 5) afterwards. That is makes this so much more ridiculous because there were other free maps. I got tired of training after around 20min (not to mention the fact that I was pissed off). So I messaged one of them telling them my map was free and they wouldn't even find poison in the map because I don't train with poison, unlike 3rd job Fire Poison Mages =)
I'd think I wouldn't be so bold to make a false claim all over the internet. Especially if it's so easy to just have the admins check back on the server. Everything I said is true to the best of my knowledge. Screenshots were taken of the dialogue (on someone else's channel, channel 2), not the action (I'm not THAT fast).
I'm glad I got this out of my system. Now, maybe I can finally get some sleep!
I was training at a crowded map (meaning most channels had people there). Mind you, I've been there for around an hour now and my blue pot count has increased by at least 200 by then, from the drops by the monsters. As I'm a Fire, Poison Arch Mage (cue: applause, feelings of disgust, indifference), I have skills such as Big Bang, Paralyze, Teleport Mastery, Explosion, and Poison Mist (among others). As many FP Arch Mages know, at some point in time, we undergo something called poison training (or Misting) that enables us to train at something close to light speed. It is also a dreary routine unless one was training at sharks which could kill your character that much easier. After training for around 40 levels by Misting, the FP Arch Mage is can finally sigh in relief because we now have 4th job skills which make training so much less dull. Now I can train on Dual Ghost Pirates with either Big Bang (fire element) or Paralyze (poison element). A day ago, I realised I could use 1 Big Bang and 1 Tele Mastery to effectively kill off un-poisoned mobs. That's when I started this less dull way of training. And I can finally see monsters die because of my firepower (for lack of a better word), and not because of damage over time from the poison.
Today, it turns out that channel 1 was free (yes, I do check from top to bottom whether anyone was there before I deem it my territory for that session). Hence, I was happily training in this map again (need I remind you, for about an hour now). One of my closer buddies was online and I was having the time of my life chatting with her while taking my time with the mobs, getting an okay amount of exp. And this way of training (Big Bang + Tele Mastery) allowed me to collect most of the drops (Misting is a little too hectic). I guess this made my map a little too clean (sort of like a tidy and un-personalised house, huh). Anyway, as I teleported up the map via the in-map teleporter, I saw a Wild Hunter enter the map. I believe he asked me if I wanted to train together. I said "I don't think this map can".
With that he just started attacking the monsters as if I weren't there. I tried to go on with my relaxed pace, but I'm sorry to say that he did not have the sense to change channel. I had to defend my map, and my pride. Hence I made my way down the map, poisoning every platform. And I found another Wild Hunter further down the map. Now, many of you probably know that it's not easy (to put it lightly) to trump over Poison Mist in a map with more monsters than you can kill with two hits. That particular map easily has nine times as many monsters as you can kill per hit. Mist can concurrently act on all of them at the same time. Back to topic. I knew I had the upper hand in a KS war, that is, if they don't decide to call for back up for a prolonged KS war (I'm not staying in that map for THAT long, my inventory WAS getting full, you know). The exp coming in further testified to the theory).
After a while (I would say it had been 2 to 3 minutes), they got fed up and started scolding me "dog" (what is with that?!), claiming they'd been there first. That there wasn't any Poison animation when they first came in. Smart asses. Was I supposed to see arrows lying around when they're in the map?
In the end I decided that I still wanted to survive in that world. I didn't get my character to level 12x to quit because of (possible) future harassment from their friends or suffer a mass defame. So I decided to be the bigger person and be the gentleman (when I'm obviously a girl), to change to another channel.
However, it is not beneath me to rant about the injustice I'd been through.
Oh I did find another channel that was free (channel 5) afterwards. That is makes this so much more ridiculous because there were other free maps. I got tired of training after around 20min (not to mention the fact that I was pissed off). So I messaged one of them telling them my map was free and they wouldn't even find poison in the map because I don't train with poison, unlike 3rd job Fire Poison Mages =)
I'd think I wouldn't be so bold to make a false claim all over the internet. Especially if it's so easy to just have the admins check back on the server. Everything I said is true to the best of my knowledge. Screenshots were taken of the dialogue (on someone else's channel, channel 2), not the action (I'm not THAT fast).
I'm glad I got this out of my system. Now, maybe I can finally get some sleep!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
sore losers
RANT ALERT!!!!!
Wow, some people are so hard-pressed to win. I was in a room with 3 people from the same FAM. Once i finished my first chain, guy1 told someone to press f11. Up came a series of rings accompanying room megas that went something like "df" "sdf" "sd"... You get the idea... It went on for around 5 moves and the dj (guy2) chained to x5 and overtook my lead position. At least i still managed go x1 throughout that disturbance. You can be very sure i was seriously pissed off. girl1 said something like she was the one who did that.
Halfway through the game, guy2 asked guy1 to "come up" (i was in 2nd place and guy2 was in 3rd). Great. So he managed to chase up to first. By some miracle, i think he missed some major move. Hah!
By the last 10 moves, i managed to chase up to the first position. Then dropped because guy1 managed to red-face me (and i cooled too). Then at the last move, i got my first again because justice always prevails and his red-face didn't register or something. I got a great and guy2 got a cool. Hah!
So girl1 said go "Beat Up, i can help you win"
Huh... What cheaters and sore losers. So what if your level is high. Someone who is more pro than you and lower level than you deserves to win you.
Wow, some people are so hard-pressed to win. I was in a room with 3 people from the same FAM. Once i finished my first chain, guy1 told someone to press f11. Up came a series of rings accompanying room megas that went something like "df" "sdf" "sd"... You get the idea... It went on for around 5 moves and the dj (guy2) chained to x5 and overtook my lead position. At least i still managed go x1 throughout that disturbance. You can be very sure i was seriously pissed off. girl1 said something like she was the one who did that.
Halfway through the game, guy2 asked guy1 to "come up" (i was in 2nd place and guy2 was in 3rd). Great. So he managed to chase up to first. By some miracle, i think he missed some major move. Hah!
By the last 10 moves, i managed to chase up to the first position. Then dropped because guy1 managed to red-face me (and i cooled too). Then at the last move, i got my first again because justice always prevails and his red-face didn't register or something. I got a great and guy2 got a cool. Hah!
So girl1 said go "Beat Up, i can help you win"
Huh... What cheaters and sore losers. So what if your level is high. Someone who is more pro than you and lower level than you deserves to win you.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Chopped liver
Wednesday:
Went to Starhub to ask about renewing my mobile contract. Took a number, 1028. The number was at 1025, which changed to 1026 in around 2min. I wandered around and eventually ended up sitting on a bench just outside the shop. Mind you, the shop was small. I was sitting around 10m away from the customer service counters. About 2 minutes before they called for my number, this tall lady walked into the shop. I was still seated outside and the number was still at 1026.
Then the number changed, to 1028. I was stunned for all of 1.5 seconds. It was too good to be true. I stood up and made my way to the counter, which took me around 5 seconds. About 4 seconds into my journey, the lady at the counter buzzed for the next number, 1029. This tall lady made her way to the counter too. Turns out she was 1029. So, we reached the counter at roughly the same time (with her reaching around 0.3 seconds before me).
The lady behind the counter hasn't even started addressing the tall lady, but she turned to me and said "You wait a while, can?" (loosely, and badly, translated) in Mandarin. The tall lady looked at me at that moment. I agreed to wait A WHILE. I actually expected the next counter's staff (only 2 counters were operating) to be informed of this "arrangement".
I stood there for around 5 minutes, getting more and more impatient (and regretting my decision, I should have said 'no'). I saw a lady looking in my general direction. She could probably see the frown forming on my face. After a while, the tall lady was done with her problem. I think she tried to make as fast as possible (maybe because the people at the next counter were still there from before I arrived in the shop).
She went out of the shop. The service lady went to the back of the shop without any apologetic look at me or any indication that she noticed I was there (I know, I was staring at her, expectantly, then my expression became just plain annoyed). She stayed inside for around 3 minutes. Then she came out, and I thought it was finally my turn. She stood behind the counter using a computer or machine of sorts. I wouldn't know. I wasn't in quite the mood to pay attention to details. What I know is that, it is basic courtesy to not let someone wait after you have called for them. The right thing to do would have been to attend to me, THEN do whatever necessary administrative work after I have left, then buzz a new customer.
After the tall lady had left for around 6 minutes, the second counter was done. About 10 seconds after the customers of that counter left, the lady buzzed for number 1030. Turns out it was the lady who was standing somewhere beside me. She offered for me to go first. I thanked her and then told the counter 2 staff that she let me go ahead of her (by then I knew they weren't so good at keeping track), and showed her my number. She said, "Oh past already ah?" (again, loosely and badly translated). I said yes (whatever, i just wanted to get to what I had gone there for). So we settled my grievances in around 5 minutes (or more). When I was going away, she actually buzzed the next number. Nice work. But this lady wasn't to be bullied. She went up to the counter.
I left, a disgruntled customer, but not without noticing that the first counter staff was still not attending to anyone. Who knows how long I could have been waiting.
Thursday:
I was running a little late for my maths paper. I rushed to the bus stop nearer to my house (which has only 1 bus available to my destination). I was in luck (I thought)! The bus was just rounding the corner when I was nearing the bus stop. I was around 5 metres away from the bus stop when it reached there. I had to negotiate my way about the cement that was used for drainage (which meant they had even holes in them which I could very well trip on).
As much as I would like to reach school on time, I would pretty much like to be able to reach school at all. I slowed down at that section of the ground. I guess the driver thought I wasn't going to take his bus after all because he turned out into the road after stopping at the bus stop (and no one got off).
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't bus drivers usually stop their buses when people are signaling them to stop? So if no one was signaling from the inside, and no one was signaling from the outside (because no one boarded the bus), who was he stopping for? Okay, if he wasn't stopping for me, I actually reached the bus stop when he was turning out. He probably didn't see me (unlike experienced drivers who would look out for potential passengers who are running to catch up with them) because he was looking out the other side. Then again, the passengers inside were looking at me. I guess they didn't think that I wanted to board the bus, even when I extended my hand to try to knock it against the bus, in a bid for attention. I held back because it was just stupid and I could cause an accident when the bus driver was halfway through cutting into the next lane.
When the my gesture went ignored, the 2 girls sitting at the bus stop went "What the hell, the bus driver."
So I walked on, to the next bus stop (which had 2 available buses, including the first). The bus was stopped at the junction because of the traffic lights and the pedestrians crossing. In the end, I got on that bus because of the people boarding it in front of me delaying it from driving off again.
Something is obviously very wrong these days.
Went to Starhub to ask about renewing my mobile contract. Took a number, 1028. The number was at 1025, which changed to 1026 in around 2min. I wandered around and eventually ended up sitting on a bench just outside the shop. Mind you, the shop was small. I was sitting around 10m away from the customer service counters. About 2 minutes before they called for my number, this tall lady walked into the shop. I was still seated outside and the number was still at 1026.
Then the number changed, to 1028. I was stunned for all of 1.5 seconds. It was too good to be true. I stood up and made my way to the counter, which took me around 5 seconds. About 4 seconds into my journey, the lady at the counter buzzed for the next number, 1029. This tall lady made her way to the counter too. Turns out she was 1029. So, we reached the counter at roughly the same time (with her reaching around 0.3 seconds before me).
The lady behind the counter hasn't even started addressing the tall lady, but she turned to me and said "You wait a while, can?" (loosely, and badly, translated) in Mandarin. The tall lady looked at me at that moment. I agreed to wait A WHILE. I actually expected the next counter's staff (only 2 counters were operating) to be informed of this "arrangement".
I stood there for around 5 minutes, getting more and more impatient (and regretting my decision, I should have said 'no'). I saw a lady looking in my general direction. She could probably see the frown forming on my face. After a while, the tall lady was done with her problem. I think she tried to make as fast as possible (maybe because the people at the next counter were still there from before I arrived in the shop).
She went out of the shop. The service lady went to the back of the shop without any apologetic look at me or any indication that she noticed I was there (I know, I was staring at her, expectantly, then my expression became just plain annoyed). She stayed inside for around 3 minutes. Then she came out, and I thought it was finally my turn. She stood behind the counter using a computer or machine of sorts. I wouldn't know. I wasn't in quite the mood to pay attention to details. What I know is that, it is basic courtesy to not let someone wait after you have called for them. The right thing to do would have been to attend to me, THEN do whatever necessary administrative work after I have left, then buzz a new customer.
After the tall lady had left for around 6 minutes, the second counter was done. About 10 seconds after the customers of that counter left, the lady buzzed for number 1030. Turns out it was the lady who was standing somewhere beside me. She offered for me to go first. I thanked her and then told the counter 2 staff that she let me go ahead of her (by then I knew they weren't so good at keeping track), and showed her my number. She said, "Oh past already ah?" (again, loosely and badly translated). I said yes (whatever, i just wanted to get to what I had gone there for). So we settled my grievances in around 5 minutes (or more). When I was going away, she actually buzzed the next number. Nice work. But this lady wasn't to be bullied. She went up to the counter.
I left, a disgruntled customer, but not without noticing that the first counter staff was still not attending to anyone. Who knows how long I could have been waiting.
Thursday:
I was running a little late for my maths paper. I rushed to the bus stop nearer to my house (which has only 1 bus available to my destination). I was in luck (I thought)! The bus was just rounding the corner when I was nearing the bus stop. I was around 5 metres away from the bus stop when it reached there. I had to negotiate my way about the cement that was used for drainage (which meant they had even holes in them which I could very well trip on).
As much as I would like to reach school on time, I would pretty much like to be able to reach school at all. I slowed down at that section of the ground. I guess the driver thought I wasn't going to take his bus after all because he turned out into the road after stopping at the bus stop (and no one got off).
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't bus drivers usually stop their buses when people are signaling them to stop? So if no one was signaling from the inside, and no one was signaling from the outside (because no one boarded the bus), who was he stopping for? Okay, if he wasn't stopping for me, I actually reached the bus stop when he was turning out. He probably didn't see me (unlike experienced drivers who would look out for potential passengers who are running to catch up with them) because he was looking out the other side. Then again, the passengers inside were looking at me. I guess they didn't think that I wanted to board the bus, even when I extended my hand to try to knock it against the bus, in a bid for attention. I held back because it was just stupid and I could cause an accident when the bus driver was halfway through cutting into the next lane.
When the my gesture went ignored, the 2 girls sitting at the bus stop went "What the hell, the bus driver."
So I walked on, to the next bus stop (which had 2 available buses, including the first). The bus was stopped at the junction because of the traffic lights and the pedestrians crossing. In the end, I got on that bus because of the people boarding it in front of me delaying it from driving off again.
Something is obviously very wrong these days.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
A child
So...I guess I'm too late to get the free supplementary card from my dad. I was going through the letters today and I came across the 2 credit cards, to my mum and dad. So I made a passing comment, to my mum who was watching tv, that I also wanted one. Well guess what. She said I'm too young for one and that I would get scammed to sign illegitimate things. So I retort that I was going to be 20 soon. Highlight of the day: she tells me I had the mindset of a child. Ouch. That really hurts. The only place I hear this is when people are referring to the less mentally endowed. Thanks mum. You've hurt me yet again. You could have said that I wasn't mature enough but noooooo... You had to compare me to a child. Saying childish would have been better, thank you.
So now I'm beginning to doubt myself. But how much do you really know? We don't even spend much time together. Sure I spend too much time gaming. But surely that isn't a true reflection of my real personality. My lecturer showed us a powerpoint of inspirational quotes today. One of them was something along the lines of "Everyone sees what you seem, but only some know who you are".
Friday, November 19, 2010
The way the cookie crumbles
Procedures:
Take a sandwich cookie. Take a rock (or anything hard). Put said cookie on the table. Put said rock on top of the cookie. Apply pressure from directly above onto the rock, onto the cookie.
Observations:
1. Top piece crumbles
2. Bottom piece crumbles
3. The cream in the middle looks for release, peeking through cracks and the sides of the sandwich cookie
The story:
The cookie is a unit of support. The cookies hold the cream, and the cream holds the cookies. The unit is put between a rock and a hard place. Both pieces of cookie finds it difficult to counter the different sources of the force. They instinctively try to protect themselves, but in doing so, fail to work together (How could they have worked together? Well, in becoming Super Cookie of course! But that's not the point here). They thus fail to protect themselves, and the cream in the centre. This is where they start to crumble...
But the story isn't about the cookies. It is about the cream. You see, the cream, having lost its support system, is fighting a battle on its own (possibly a losing one). No matter who started it, self-preservation is key at that point in time. This is where the cream shows us its real nature, its flexibility and adaptability. However, one cannot argue that the cream is no longer the same as it once had been...
Everyone has the potential to be adaptable, simply because it is in our genes. They were passed down from our ancestors who had evolved from apes, to what we are now. We shouldn't let hardships deter us from living life. On the other hand, we have to realise that nothing will ever be the same. We might as well embrace the change.
Take a sandwich cookie. Take a rock (or anything hard). Put said cookie on the table. Put said rock on top of the cookie. Apply pressure from directly above onto the rock, onto the cookie.
Observations:
1. Top piece crumbles
2. Bottom piece crumbles
3. The cream in the middle looks for release, peeking through cracks and the sides of the sandwich cookie
The story:
The cookie is a unit of support. The cookies hold the cream, and the cream holds the cookies. The unit is put between a rock and a hard place. Both pieces of cookie finds it difficult to counter the different sources of the force. They instinctively try to protect themselves, but in doing so, fail to work together (How could they have worked together? Well, in becoming Super Cookie of course! But that's not the point here). They thus fail to protect themselves, and the cream in the centre. This is where they start to crumble...
But the story isn't about the cookies. It is about the cream. You see, the cream, having lost its support system, is fighting a battle on its own (possibly a losing one). No matter who started it, self-preservation is key at that point in time. This is where the cream shows us its real nature, its flexibility and adaptability. However, one cannot argue that the cream is no longer the same as it once had been...
Everyone has the potential to be adaptable, simply because it is in our genes. They were passed down from our ancestors who had evolved from apes, to what we are now. We shouldn't let hardships deter us from living life. On the other hand, we have to realise that nothing will ever be the same. We might as well embrace the change.
Random adds
What a coincidence... Some unknown person has been adding my friends and I on facebook. Well, I haven't rejected nor accepted yet. The funny thing is, when I went to his profile (to try to figure out who he is), I saw that it was full of _______ is now friends with ______ and 10 other people. I got amused when there was a break in between, where someone actually commented something along the lines of "hi, thanks for the add... but who are you???" My sentiments exactly! But why did you even accept the invite in the first place?! Well I was almost tempted to accept him just to "like" that comment. Almost.
Anyway, I was going through his wall using my phone, which *gasp* doesn't have that large a screen. So, while waiting for "See more posts" to load, a picture of one of the people he recently added caught my eye. It was an Audition avatar, albeit tiny on the screen. Naturally, I was curious, considering that the rest of the pictures were (probably) of normal humans. Clicking on it, I found my in-game buddy, Raspberry. Cool. Not to mention creepy.
Out of so many people "equipping" their avatars with the same clothes and the same hair (I would say that same hair item is owned by half the girl population in the game itself), it had to be someone I knew. This world is indeed small, huh.
Anyway, I was going through his wall using my phone, which *gasp* doesn't have that large a screen. So, while waiting for "See more posts" to load, a picture of one of the people he recently added caught my eye. It was an Audition avatar, albeit tiny on the screen. Naturally, I was curious, considering that the rest of the pictures were (probably) of normal humans. Clicking on it, I found my in-game buddy, Raspberry. Cool. Not to mention creepy.
Out of so many people "equipping" their avatars with the same clothes and the same hair (I would say that same hair item is owned by half the girl population in the game itself), it had to be someone I knew. This world is indeed small, huh.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Sometimes I just feel so down that I can't even blog on my Space. I feel downright emotionless right now. I don't feel.
I guess I don't want to attract attention. Check that, I don't want the people who care about me to know about what's going on. I'm quirky that way. It's often easier to talk to acquaintances about personal problems, I feel. That way, you're not burdening someone you care about? Maybe. I don't know. I can't tell my Mum anything, much less my Dad. I blame it on the generation gap. Sometimes I wish I have an older brother. I've always been envious of my girl friends who have older brothers. I know, being not envious of other people but be satisfied with yourself. But one can't help but be curious what it would be like... to feel protected, to feel like someone is standing guard for you.
I have no idea why I attract younger god-brothers in game. Maybe I'm too naggy, because I don't think I'm caring. I've never been brought up to be caring. I'm bad around children. I can't treat them like they are less than what I am. I can't not talk to them normally and show them respect. Well that's singing my own praises. But that's what comes to mind when I have to communicate with them. I'm just scared of communicating with them. Oh I really want a cat. I just want a hug.
I've just written down everything I remember about a past encounter into my long-forgotten diary (if I can still call it that). So now, I have no need to store it in my brain. Bad things are meant to be forgotten, because it hurts. Hurt makes us stronger. But constant hurt wears us down. So, bad things won't be forgotten. But that doesn't mean it they should stay etched in our memory forever. I say they're just a waste of space. I read through the entries in my diary. Most were about my primary school life. They reminded me of some things that I wasn't consciously aware of happened throughout these few years. I looked back at it in amusement, and some sort of realisation, like my vision has been cleared up. I asked myself questions in the past, like 'Who was lying?'. I found that I saw things from an outsider's point of vies. I could answer them now. Maybe a few years down the road, I'll look back at this saga in amusement.
As I've said, sadness shouldn't be contained. Writing it down helps. Doesn't matter if you were to tear it up or to burn it down. At least, you would have taken a step to getting it out of your mind. Cleansing it. Transferring the burden to something real, something tangible. You know it has happened, you can't really go back in time and change things (but if you do, bring me). Yes, we have the desire to change things, do things differently. People say "Never regret". The truth is, you will regret at some point in time. The trick is not think that something is not regretful. Everything has its plus side. That's what someone said to me yesterday.
I've come to terms. I'm moving on. I'd like to think that. But the truth is, I'll need someone to care. Not to care for, no.
Moving on seems like it could be such a great feeling. I can't feel it, yet. I'm going to have to depend on my friends, I guess. We are lucky to have friends, we are. I found a long-lost friend recently. She made the game so much more fun. I'm waiting for some people to come back to me.
Who am I kidding? I still would like to make the people who hurt me pay. But I guess I should just let nature take its course. A watched pot never boils. I'm verging on psychotic, I believe. Well, a little hate is healthy. At least I don't go around ruining other people's lives for not apparent reason.
Cheers
I guess I don't want to attract attention. Check that, I don't want the people who care about me to know about what's going on. I'm quirky that way. It's often easier to talk to acquaintances about personal problems, I feel. That way, you're not burdening someone you care about? Maybe. I don't know. I can't tell my Mum anything, much less my Dad. I blame it on the generation gap. Sometimes I wish I have an older brother. I've always been envious of my girl friends who have older brothers. I know, being not envious of other people but be satisfied with yourself. But one can't help but be curious what it would be like... to feel protected, to feel like someone is standing guard for you.
I have no idea why I attract younger god-brothers in game. Maybe I'm too naggy, because I don't think I'm caring. I've never been brought up to be caring. I'm bad around children. I can't treat them like they are less than what I am. I can't not talk to them normally and show them respect. Well that's singing my own praises. But that's what comes to mind when I have to communicate with them. I'm just scared of communicating with them. Oh I really want a cat. I just want a hug.
I've just written down everything I remember about a past encounter into my long-forgotten diary (if I can still call it that). So now, I have no need to store it in my brain. Bad things are meant to be forgotten, because it hurts. Hurt makes us stronger. But constant hurt wears us down. So, bad things won't be forgotten. But that doesn't mean it they should stay etched in our memory forever. I say they're just a waste of space. I read through the entries in my diary. Most were about my primary school life. They reminded me of some things that I wasn't consciously aware of happened throughout these few years. I looked back at it in amusement, and some sort of realisation, like my vision has been cleared up. I asked myself questions in the past, like 'Who was lying?'. I found that I saw things from an outsider's point of vies. I could answer them now. Maybe a few years down the road, I'll look back at this saga in amusement.
As I've said, sadness shouldn't be contained. Writing it down helps. Doesn't matter if you were to tear it up or to burn it down. At least, you would have taken a step to getting it out of your mind. Cleansing it. Transferring the burden to something real, something tangible. You know it has happened, you can't really go back in time and change things (but if you do, bring me). Yes, we have the desire to change things, do things differently. People say "Never regret". The truth is, you will regret at some point in time. The trick is not think that something is not regretful. Everything has its plus side. That's what someone said to me yesterday.
I've come to terms. I'm moving on. I'd like to think that. But the truth is, I'll need someone to care. Not to care for, no.
Moving on seems like it could be such a great feeling. I can't feel it, yet. I'm going to have to depend on my friends, I guess. We are lucky to have friends, we are. I found a long-lost friend recently. She made the game so much more fun. I'm waiting for some people to come back to me.
Who am I kidding? I still would like to make the people who hurt me pay. But I guess I should just let nature take its course. A watched pot never boils. I'm verging on psychotic, I believe. Well, a little hate is healthy. At least I don't go around ruining other people's lives for not apparent reason.
Cheers
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Me Time
I'm of the opinion I spend too much 'me time'. Asleep, it's me time. In the bathroom, it's me time. Watching cartoons, it's me time. Eating fruits, it's me time. Journey to school, it's me time. Doing homework, it's me time. Using computer, it's me time.
Sure, I talk and sms to my friends. And I listen to the lecturers. But i don't have time to talk to my family. I don't like to be disturbed when I'm having me time. But I'm practically having me time all day, everyday. Something is very very wrong
Sure, I talk and sms to my friends. And I listen to the lecturers. But i don't have time to talk to my family. I don't like to be disturbed when I'm having me time. But I'm practically having me time all day, everyday. Something is very very wrong
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Something is definitely wrong. Crying without a direct impact isn't normal. Feeling emotional without any apparent reason is dangerous. Well at least there's no suicidal tendency. Revenge will definitely be sweet.
The mind plays tricks on us. Mine seems to have too much imagination that isn't released in enough channels. It scares me.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you want it to. I want to be happy, but the happiness seems to be cheerfulness, shortlived.
Sometimes you just can't seem to kick the feeling of loneliness out of your mind, and your heart.
The mind plays tricks on us. Mine seems to have too much imagination that isn't released in enough channels. It scares me.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you want it to. I want to be happy, but the happiness seems to be cheerfulness, shortlived.
Sometimes you just can't seem to kick the feeling of loneliness out of your mind, and your heart.
Friends
So who are your real friends?
Those who make you happy by spending time to do things with you that you are happy doing? Those who spend hours chatting with you? Those who don't bother with you unless you're in trouble and need their help? Those who take up any of your crazy suggestions just to be there for you when you get hurt? Those who console you when something bad happpens? Those who entertain you when you can't sleep? Those who beat up the people who hurt you? Those who remind you of your place when you're being mean? Those who point out your mistakes?
Those who need you? Those whom you want to help? Those whom you want to spend time with? Those whom you want to know better?
Bottom line: Friends are people who stay by your side even when you think you don't need them.
Those who make you happy by spending time to do things with you that you are happy doing? Those who spend hours chatting with you? Those who don't bother with you unless you're in trouble and need their help? Those who take up any of your crazy suggestions just to be there for you when you get hurt? Those who console you when something bad happpens? Those who entertain you when you can't sleep? Those who beat up the people who hurt you? Those who remind you of your place when you're being mean? Those who point out your mistakes?
Those who need you? Those whom you want to help? Those whom you want to spend time with? Those whom you want to know better?
Bottom line: Friends are people who stay by your side even when you think you don't need them.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Be not envious of others, but be happy with oneself.
Bruises on my hands again. I have a feeling I'm not throwing correctly.
My stomach is growling incessantly. Now I don't know whether I'm supposed to be hungry or not. Because it growls even after a meal. Great.
My stomach is growling incessantly. Now I don't know whether I'm supposed to be hungry or not. Because it growls even after a meal. Great.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Life in a capsule
Woke up this morning with my head in an awkward angle. So, as expected, my neck/shoulder was a little tight. I ended up with a neck muscle strain after attempting to stretch. At least that didn't happen in the middle of a game. It happened when i was waiting for sw to invite people in. Good thing is, it's not as tight as when it happened. Bad thing is, it's still tight.
Today was Family Day, well, at least it was at the condo. I like the balloons they hung up across the edge of the swimming pool. Didn't participate in anything because we didn't sign up and/or pay. Haha. But i've realised that my estate still looks as nice as it has been when we first moved in. At least now, i don't notice as many bugs around. Partly because i don't go down much anymore.
Family's still been the same. Dysfunctional.
Friends are getting busy. Finally watched Liar Game on Friday, with Chenyu. And Finally ate pizza at Pizza Hut. Yeah, it rained again that day. Same as the day when jing and i tried to eat at pizza hut. My shoes are getting bigger the more they get soaked with rainwater. I'm beginning to hate rainy days.
I want a cat. I'd like a tabby but dad wants a siamese. I don't know. A tabby looks cute fat, but i can't picture a fat siamese. They look far too sophisticated, in my opinion.
Maple is stealing time away from my school work. I want to quickly max out my fire arrow and reach poison brace, but that's quite far away. I don't want maple to be a chore, seriously.
I want to join a cca. Preferably ultimate frisbee. But i don't think i have the stamina, anymore.
Life is cui3 now. Tim asked me what cui was, today. I didn't know. To try to define it, i would say: cui is a way of saying something is not going as well as you would hope. At least, that's how i use that word.
Today was Family Day, well, at least it was at the condo. I like the balloons they hung up across the edge of the swimming pool. Didn't participate in anything because we didn't sign up and/or pay. Haha. But i've realised that my estate still looks as nice as it has been when we first moved in. At least now, i don't notice as many bugs around. Partly because i don't go down much anymore.
Family's still been the same. Dysfunctional.
Friends are getting busy. Finally watched Liar Game on Friday, with Chenyu. And Finally ate pizza at Pizza Hut. Yeah, it rained again that day. Same as the day when jing and i tried to eat at pizza hut. My shoes are getting bigger the more they get soaked with rainwater. I'm beginning to hate rainy days.
I want a cat. I'd like a tabby but dad wants a siamese. I don't know. A tabby looks cute fat, but i can't picture a fat siamese. They look far too sophisticated, in my opinion.
Maple is stealing time away from my school work. I want to quickly max out my fire arrow and reach poison brace, but that's quite far away. I don't want maple to be a chore, seriously.
I want to join a cca. Preferably ultimate frisbee. But i don't think i have the stamina, anymore.
Life is cui3 now. Tim asked me what cui was, today. I didn't know. To try to define it, i would say: cui is a way of saying something is not going as well as you would hope. At least, that's how i use that word.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Pretentious
I have no idea why, but I seem to use this word a lot on girls. I believe I'm substituting this word for the typical singaporean phrase 'act cute'. I guess since I'm a girl, I'm less sensitive to guys being pretentious, unless I personally know them. I myself hope that I'm not pretentious. But I have a feeling people think I am. On the one hand, pretending to be somebody you're not can help you with your networking. On the other, it ruins the way the others perceive you. And in the heart of it, you know that one cannot satisfy everyone at the same time, so both results will go hand in hand. However, are you more eager to make acquaintances that help you advance in life, or to keep your friends who have aided you in your success?
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