That time of the day

I've wondered why I'm not asleep at this time of the day/night. It's nearly 6am at this point in this blog entry. I guess it's the time when I can truly be alone. I can't imagine facing family for too long. The same goes for online friends (I have no life, either that or we're just plain lazy). Anyway, this might sound selfish but this is the time that I don't need to watch other people's mood. This is the time when everything is about me, because seriously, not many people are awake at this time to do anything to me in real time. Smses are replied when they wake up. Online posts are read typically in the afternoon. Offline messages are replied to often at night.

This makes me realise... Even though technology can bring us life updates in real time, we humans are unable/unwilling to respond to them 24/7.

I am NOT D

Been bugging the people (Jing and Pirates in particular) to stop calling me D. I don't mind 0 calling me D, he came up with it. And I can understand Daizy calling me that, cause that's what everyone's calling me when she knew me. But dammit, the people who know me, why are you calling me what someone else is calling me. For the sake of convenience, since D is so easy to type? For the sake of fitting in, since everyone is calling me that?

For goodness sake, my whole name doesn't have a single D in it. Ok so maybe 0 got called 0 by our people (but I don't think any of his closer friends ever tried to call him 0). And my gosh, jing now calls him korkor and pirates calls him old jb (something along that line lah). Since you're using your own names for him, why not for me?! It especially ticks me off when people like jing and pirates call me D, because I've known them for a long time now and I find it ridiclous that they have to use a name that another person calls me by.

It might seem like just a small issue. How come some people can call me D without me getting upset? When Daizy calls me D, i'm okay with it (my mind has already registered that it's her way of calling me, just like my mind registers people online calling me raven). If other people from other FAMs call me D, I will sian diao. And IF bullet calls me D, I think I'll cry. And even when I say this, I can't stop calling him bullet. What the hey, I even smsed dajie one day referring to him as bullet. Shameful. Thank goodness I still call dajie, dajie. Otherwise, 不像话.

Back to topic. I just don't want to feel as though we've gotten further apart instead of closer. I didn't feel anything in the beginning. But when people start spamming D D D, I really don't know what to say.

RavenD is not D. P2/bullet calls me p1 or qijie. sw calls me rav. 0 calls me D. Most people in audi call me raven. I really don't care if my other friends call me D. But my closer friends, please. Calling me what someone else calls me makes me realise that... you don't know what to call me. That makes me feel so important in your heart.

On a brighter note, I'm really satisfied with how our FAM is bonding. It's really fun to play with everyone. (When) the atmosphere is right. It was different from when me and Honey were playing with another fam in team. I could really sense how they wanted to win. I guess that might be how our team behaved around other people. But I do think we play differently with/against friends. I guess it's our different culture. And I really do like our culture. =D

Something (okay, someone) really disgusts me, to say the least. I guess old habits die hard.

MV on youtube

What am i doing 5am in the morning? I'm watching Epik High's MV on YouTube. The first to catch my eye was Run (because I've seen the rest of the more popular ones). It was (for lack of better word) epic. I didn't think so at first because I don't understand Korean. So the first time I saw it, I was 'wow'. Second time I saw it (with subtitles this time), I was 'Wow!' Actually, I couldn't catch some of the longer subtitles (yes I should read more, I'm out of touch). So the THIRD time I watched it (because I was going to post it on facebook, and I'm glad I did), the waterworks began quite suddenly, I have no idea why. That's when I finally caught the lyrics.

Seriously! Heartbreak should be over. It's time to move on, not run away. Go go go go~! Ever wondered why people often say running away is easier than moving on? Because it's damn much faster! In the end it'll be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

On a lighter note, I got the music player up. So instead of going to Nokia's Ovi Player, I'll just rot here for music. xD Mix pod asks us to upload our own MP3s if we want to play just the music and not the video. Is that like a new way to catch illegal downloaders? Right...

And I finally deleted someone from my buddy list in audi (around a week ago). Told "someone", then she said "No! We need to track him!" to which I replied "Oh no!" All in good fun =D. That person wasn't even a friend of mine to begin with. Playing with him is not a good experience. And I doubt he will come find us if he can't find me online anyway. ;)

I wonder how long it will take for him to realise I've deleted him ^^

Unblocked someone from my msn contacts list and added him/her to my contacts. Then I was looking at the profile for a while. It was then when it struck me. I realised I was a little irked at having this contact within reach again. I didn't want to be able to access that person's profile, like I did last time. I just found it sort of... (for a lack of better word) disgusting. So now, that person is back on my block and delete list again. =)

I walked into the kitchen...
I flipped the switch for the light on...
I looked at the blackish-looking object on the ground...
Is that a black cat?
I got the fright of my life.
The light turns on.
It's just my mum's slippers.
I then realise I don't even own a black cat.

oops

*clicks 'Delete'* OOPS _#*_@)(#+@_)%_$#)*%_)$* Accidentally deleted my blog background around 5min ago. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My 18th!

I've never believed in listing people on my blog to thank them for birthday wishes. It seems quite show-off-y. So i shall not do that (although i'm wildly tempted to list the 45 people here. haha what a show off). The people who smsed me wishing me a happy birthday really touched me. The smses literally came pouring in. And yeah, i got a little teary-eyed. =D Thanks to them, this birthday was very memorable.

Another thing that made this birthday memorable was the FAM outing. And especially the Swenson's desserts buffet. I realised their ice cream wasn't very good. But the variety wasn't bad. And it's a fun activity to do with friends.

Actually nothing much happened on my birthday. Just stayed at home and stoned in front of the computer. 0 played audi with me for a while =D made the otherwise boring day fun.

Another thing that made my day was anli and yiyang's wall post on facebook. I totally laughed at the 2 posts.

Anyway, because of facebook, i've gotten much more birthday blessings. But also because of that, the number of smses may have decreased >< hehe. But it's the thought that counts! =D

Tears

If you cry, is it a sign of defeat? Or is it essential to relieve some of the stress that's piled on you? And is it called crying if no tears are shed?

This blog is almost totally not compatible with Opera Mini. Tried and tested.

Chinatown

On this morning's 97.2fm show, the DJs were talking about someone asking why 牛车水 shouldn't be called Chinatown, and should instead be called what it's been called in the past (which is in Malay, read up on the Singapore heritage). The person said that since Singapore has a majority being Chinese, we shouldn't call it Chinatown, which is used in countries where the Chinese are a minority race. But Singapore in the first place is a multiracial society. So we can't expect to not have a Chinatown when the other majority races of Singapore has an area specially dedicated for them. Look at it this way, if there was no Chinatown in Singapore, does that mean that the Chinese population 'occupies' all territories other than Little India and Kampong Glam? Of course not. Since that's the case, shouldn't we have something named after us? I mean, do you see Orchard Road being decorated for the Lantern/Mooncake Festival even if the Chinese population is the biggest in Singapore? I rest my case.

on the departure

it's sort of funny when you think back, and realise that we haven't been on the pictures he posted even though we've all been together for so long.

I wonder...

I wonder how many people actually come here.
I wonder how I'm gonna catch up with the rest of the school.
I wonder how I'm supposed to get off Audi.
I wonder what's the FAM blog link.
I wonder why my handwriting is so uncontrollably GOOD.
I wonder why I think my handwriting is good.
I wonder why I'm lying about my handwriting here.
I wonder why I'm so lazy.
I wonder why if I'm so lazy, I'm still doing this.
I wonder if I have selective laziness.
I wonder why you start sleeping at 10am in the morning.
I wonder why I'm sleeping at 4am in the morning.
I wonder why we have to sleep earlier.
I wonder what happened between certain people.
I wonder if I will ever ask what happened. Probably not.
I wonder if I could take that news. What would come after it?
I wonder if the 4-letter L word is overrated.
I wonder if everyone else says that word that much, while meaning it.
I wonder the same for the 4-letter H word.
I wonder if everything is just a farce.
I wonder if I'll wake up from this dream.
I wonder if I'll wake up from this dream, happy.
I wonder if I can stay in this dream.
I wonder what will happen to everything.
I wonder if what he said is true.
I wonder if what she said was true.
I wonder if what you say is true.
I wonder if anyone ever wonders this much.
I wonder if anyone ever wonders this much without really wanting the answers.
I wonder if anyone thinks I'm emo.
I wonder if I'm emo.
Nah.
I wonder how, I wonder why~ Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky.

Lalalala

Went to search for pirates' blog after conference yesterday. And... I tried -ABC-Pirates. Hoho, no results on google. So i searched DeUnknowns. Wow, 2nd one that came up was pirates' blog. Cool. But even cooler was that I saw my own blog on there (this 'sort of' abandoned blog). Wow, the other more active blog not listed on the first page at all. A tad ironic. Anyway i also found WIL's blog. WHOOT! But really, never update one. Not that I'm in any position to comment about letting a blog rot.

Well well well, this is the 1st post of the year here. Been dreading school for the last few days of holidays. But after going back, was quite high actually. It's quite nice seeing the people you know after so long again. Then our form teacher got us to play this Angel and Mortal game. @.@ Lucky for me, the first time we picked names, there was a sort of botch-up. So we had to redo everything. WHOOT~! Words can't describe how happy I was. Haha, I went 'Oh my-!' right after I opened the slip of paper and saw the name, by the way.

And I think I'm getting sick from all the CNY goodies. Getting an abnormal increase in the amount of salt in my body, from all the cashew nuts. And I'm sort of losing my voice. I miss shouting commands... Listened to 'The Final Countdown' a few days back and now it's transferred to my phone. Reminded me of NHNP FDC. And I remember last time Sir Edwin (haha yes I still call them Sir and Ma'am) played us the song and was saying something like 'The opening very seh/nice but when the guy starts singing...' then everyone laughed. But that was sort of our trademark and I don't think we'll ever forget the song.

Oh yeah, Crunchyroll has been barring us from watching Gintama. So now it's like we can only see that the videos have been posted but we're unable to watch. How nice. I miss new Gintama episodes...

Anyway, should probably work hard from now on. Or at least keep at the same pace as the school, which is quite reasonable, if you don't mind not being able to relax. But this is A levels year, so I should probably get away from AuditionSEA. Wahaha, I actually typed out the full name. AuditionSEA!!! That's a sure sign I'm going insane from school.

Does the title matter?

Even before PW was over, had been thinking about creating all these pics and making a new blogskin. Cause since the last post, I've seen that my posts no spacing AT ALL!

I feel kinda idiotic at this. Created a new background with the pic I took at the Esplanade. Well I took it at the Esplanade but it doesn't feature the Esplanade. Lol it's the Singapore Flyer. No intention of even going up there. Singapore, what to see? Try the London Eye.

Anyway, blogger preview really isn't working for me. Had to save template then load the cranberryriver.blogspot.com to preview. -.- Don't know if it's just me though.

And I still can't get the background to squeeze in the window without the scrolling effect. Can't get it to fix there for don't know what reason. I'm an idiot at this, I guess. No matter. It's just for fun anyway.

I'm getting bored... I think I'm not getting enough sleep. Sleep too late and wake up too early (relatively). 8hours of sleep isn't enough for me. I suspect this lack of ability to continue sleeping is due to the long exposure to PW. Grrrr... I shall remember the days I couldn't sleep simply because i had so much work to do.

This just sucks

Feel quite emo now.

People are leaving. one after another. Feel quite contradicted and disappointed that 1 simple thing can lead to so many.
Expected this actually, when it first started.
But was quite surprised nonetheless when it first happened.
Feel quite third-party and insignificant when people decide to make decisions just like that without thinking about others.
Even now, it's like the rest of us are insignificant and it doesn't impact us. It does. And now we see the effect.
Maybe I'll feel better after blogging. It's not a big deal anyway (by right).
Felt better after talking to someone more mature, another third party like me.
This whole incident just seems so trivial and yet the impact seems monumental to me.
I'm taking things too hard (been told this by 4 people already. i don't need another)
I can't guarantee I will stay, but I don't want to leave too.
So now I'm releasing all these frustrations here and locking it away on the Internet. Isn't this very ironic?

-So now that's it? We've gone our separate ways? No goodbye, no nothing?
It seems everything that has been built up has been discarded; just flung out the window.

-Even though you say who stays is what matters, I don't think many of those that matter will stay.

mugger

hoho... second day of jae then sprain leg liao. hmmm wuite unfortunate. missed the dance party although i didnt like the mass dance there. preferred jj one. so high, then they teach they will smile one... not like the first intakes who just teach, teach, and teach. like rushing through like that. really couldnt catch loh. anyway, went back for jj night. actually i went for jj afternoon. went to the doctor's again. grrr she told me the blood vessel or something of my feet burst. felt so sad lah. a bit shocked loh. so now i can sort of see spots of purple on my feet. eeewww. lucky its fainting now. hope it WILL be better after 3 days. hmmm. ive been limping throughout my days in nj liao. they must think im weird or something. hope not. so now im in a class with only 5 guys. quite sad actually, a bit no life in the class. dont really click well with the rest of the class except for a few. this just feels weird loh. maybe sort of like in sec 1 and 2. when i was a freshman. plain weird because i practically can run anywhere in class when i was in 403 lah. and even in 08s13 in jj i anyhow squeeze in with the guys when eating. now it just seems weird that i cant fit anymore. the transition is quite big. so sad. 1 ponned 2 chem make up lectures. hope i can really selff study. been doing that for maths. havent really seen what results that will yield. tomorrow i shall begin to mug. T.T